i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize