well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
