im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I could make wine with my vomit
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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