just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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