what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
