I can tuck mytits in my pants
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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