when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
