paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
