The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
