i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
