my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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