it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
