This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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