He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
