just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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