That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
