i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
