i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize