I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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