Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
