i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
