dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
