I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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