I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
