Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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