Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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