eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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