Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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