Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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