you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
