3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
