Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Randomize
