just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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