ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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