I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
