i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
