Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you inspire me to be a worse person
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
