just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's blow job season.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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