btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
