Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
