Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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