Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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