Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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