Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
