my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
