I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
