I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize