I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
