dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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