Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
