its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
