Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
