Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
