This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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