News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
