i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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