I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
