Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
