i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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