my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Watching her eat just hurts me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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