I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
