I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
