Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
