Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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