You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
