So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
