Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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