i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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