Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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