your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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