and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
