i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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