You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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