I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
