i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
