There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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